Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
