my being single is dangerous.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
