you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
