fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
