My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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