when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
