i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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