She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
