he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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