our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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