I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize