Nicole vs. Life
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
