Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
