why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
