it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
