It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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