you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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