She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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