Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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