Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
