This girl is more easily done than said...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ttyl tear gas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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