I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
