We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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