you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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