walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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