I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
