i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found your dick twin last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
