I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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