He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
