But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
