I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
