Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're like the curious george of whores
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
