can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
