I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
