your parents love me but you hate me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
did you just send me my own nude
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
