If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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