I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
