dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
