please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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