Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
