Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
