I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
