All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
