What a fucking waste of an outfit
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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