if only i could text you this smell
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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