Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
