did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize