guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize