Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
