So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
