people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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