i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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