**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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