I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
