i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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