i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize