I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
