I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
