I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
