apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
