So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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