Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
