I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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