You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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