So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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