so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
