I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
