ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, beer. Big fan.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
