just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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