This girl is more easily done than said...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
