At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
