I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
