I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize