she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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