I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
