So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
