i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
