booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
