They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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