Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
