Moan for me like Helen Keller
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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