I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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