Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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