Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize