i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
