Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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