I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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