dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
