oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
