so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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