hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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