Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
