worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
