i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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