I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
