Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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