if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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