he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
