Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
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