Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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