Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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