Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
