WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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