Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
