Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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