I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
