Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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