in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
